Tag Archives: Christopher Newgent

A Little Bit of Hobart…Daily

15 Oct

Hobart, that rad rad print journal, has tossed more zoom into their online doings. About a month ago, they switched to daily content, some of that same old goodness like fiction and interviews, with new woot-worthy stuff like poetry, food and drink reviews, and movie reviews. A month into this thing, I’m really stoked about how it has expanded, where it is heading. Maybe you will be too?!

My favorite stuff so far:

Three Words I Learned From Video Games by Devan Goldstein
from “Sentry”

The important thing is that Pete, the kid who gave me the game, pronounced robots like the name “Robitz” might be pronounced, if it were a name, and I just hated him for it, and we weren’t friends after that as far as I know.

Two Poems by Ben Clark and Colin Winnette
from “witness”

I only think to ask you about dying because I saw the reflected light
as something else. I can tell you would say to carve this new strange light into trains
crossing slow and close enough to shake the dead dusty moths
on the ledge of my window.

An Advanced Amateur Reviews Pabst Blue Ribbon-A Beer Fit For Human Beings by Mike Bezemek

A massive plaster moon rotates above the rooftop bar, casting a milky glow over my fellow patrons. One by one their orders are placed. A vanilla bean porter with toasted nut highlights. A zwickel-style lager. A Cascade dry-hopped American pale ale. A cleanly malted and sharply hopped Czech-inspired pilsner. A cloudy hefeweizen with a hint of coriander and a tangerine wedge. When it’s my turn, however, I settle into my stool, look the bartender dead in the eyes, and ask for a good ol’ cool-my-throat, warm-my-insides, and thicken-my-wallet Pabst Blue Ribbon. Soon it flows smooth as a gentle breeze over my tongue, and, in this most idyllic of moments, I realize that after much deliberation and fifteen years of field testing, I am ready to officially and heartily recommend Pabst Blue Ribbon as perfectly fit for human consumption.

So, there you go, to check it out! Enjoy the wonderful updates (DAILY) Hobart is now offering.

P.S. Vouched Books superstarter Christopher has a Bourbon column at Hobart now as well. Just so you know, pal!

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Awful Interview: Christopher Newgent

16 Aug

Photo by Stevi Clark

As is the custom of readers at Vouched Presents, Christopher Newgent took part in an Awful Interview–with himself. He’s reading tonight at Indy Reads Books with Tadd Adcox, Layne Ransom, and Chadwick Redden. 7pm. There’s not much else to say. Here he is.

So, you’re reading at your own reading.

Yeah. Is–
Is there a question about that?

You don’t think it’s weird?

I mean, I suppose so, a little. It’s strange that it’s such a big deal in the literary world. Or maybe I’m just making a bigger deal out of it than is necessary. I don’t know. It’s not like anyone has really said anything outright to me or anything. It just seems weird. I don’t know why. I probably just enjoy any excuse to have a guilty conscience.

I grew up playing music in the underground music scene, and it was pretty standard practice for the band who booked the show to play, which facilitated show swapping with other bands and–

*YAWN*

…anyway. Yeah. I’m reading at my own reading. Tadd asked me to.

Tadd’s a good guy.

He is.

Tell me about Tadd.

Well, he’s a–

I’m just going to stop you there.

Okay?

That’s all. I was just tired of hearing you talk. You talk a lot.

Oh.

You’re pretty hard on yourself, aren’t you?

I can be, I guess.

Did I hear once, you thought you had/have an eating problem?

Yeah. I mean, I guess so. Not like a disorder or anything, but–

Explain that.

I was.

Right. Well, continue.

I don’t know. I don’t have either of the classic disorders or anything. But I tend to binge eat when I’m unhappy and stuff.

Are you unhappy now?

I don’t really want to talk about this.

Is it true that when you were a kid, you used to break into houses just to see if you could do it?

Why are you Larry King’ing me?

You mean, why are you Larry King’ing yourself?

Right.

I don’t know. Guilty conscience? Did you ever steal anything from the houses you broke into?

No. My friends did though. It was just sport for me. I wanted to see if–

BORING.

I’m…sorry?

Are you going to be this boring at the reading tonight?

I hope not. I try to put on a good show. I just want people to li–

Do you have any final words to the hopeful audience?

I love you. Please come.

SSR #9 of 15: The Fullness of Everything

11 Jul

The Fullness of Everything
by Christopher Newgent, Tyler Gobble, and Brian Oliu
Tiny Hardcore Press
128 pgs, $12

This may seem weird or incestuous of me to write an SSR for a book that is 2/3rd’s Vouched people but, fuck it- you need to read it. Plus Tyler Gobble is on a mega roadtrip right now and we need to celebrate that.

So, here we go:

It is said that triumvirates are all a ruse, that no three can wield power equally- but these collections are equilateral in strength- so Gobble, Oliu, and Newgent have accomplished something here that Caesar, Magnus, and Crassus couldn’t.

Awful Interview: Christopher Newgent

29 Mar

Once, Christopher Newgent and I shared a pair of Strawberry Shortcake themed, cell phone shaped walkie-talkies. They were dwarfed in Christopher’s big-ass hands. We bought them for when we were bored at our respective jobs, but they weren’t capable of carrying a signal across the few hundred feet between his Jimmy John’s and my coffee shop, so we pitched them and reverted back to paper airplanes.

Sometimes Christopher puts things in his face and writes words about those things. At all times there are words all over Christopher’s arms. Some other times words come out of his hands. He makes those words into things, like his chapbook from Tiny Hardcore press, or these stories at these different places.  Some other times times he pushes words out of his face to a crowd. He calls this process ‘reading.’ If you are in Atlanta on Friday, April 6th, he would like to show you how he does this ‘reading.’

One time we talked about stuff and dubbed it an interview. It went like this.

Christopher. Let’s get serious. Let’s answer the question that’s been plaguing everyone for years. What are you doing to save the bats and the bees? I heard you might be a super hero.

The extent of my environmental superhero’ism is pretty much Googling for sad images of animals and frowning at my computer screen, then posting them to facebook and typing, usually in all caps, LOOK AT THIS SAD POLAR BEAR. IT’S TRAPPED ON THIS ICEBERG. Which is bullshit, really. Polar bears are amazing swimmers and have been known to swim dozens and even hundreds of miles in a single swim. Basically, my activism is misinformation. I’m a superhero of misinformation.

I guess I was misinformed. Wait- what?! Whoa! You ARE a superhero. What’s your favorite way to use capslock?

My favorite way to use capslock is life. I want to live my life in capslock. Sure, some randmas argue that caplock is best reserved for emailing and instant messenger, but I personally believe capslock needs no reservation. Fucking live it, man.

Don’t you think people will feel that you’re yelling at them? What does your barbaric yawp sound like?

Make no mistake. There’s a difference between capslock and yelling. Only those who’ve not probed the depths and nuances of all caps usage think it’s simply yelling at people. Caps lockers have been known to whisper in all caps, actually. It’s pretty amazing to behold. It’s like those Buddhist monks who can throat sing 2 different pitches at once.

Regarding my yawp, have you ever heard the lid blowing off a pressure cooker? It sounds mostly like that, but imagine a Kodiak bear exploding from the pressure cooker.

That is quite a mighty yawp. So, like, what have you been reading lately?

I don’t read a lot, actually. I don’t even really like books that much. They’re too, I don’t know, hands on. Reading is like carpentry for your brain. I’d rather have someone build my bookshelves for me, metaphorically speaking of course. And not that I’d need bookshelves.

Yeah man, I totally get you! Books are so OLD and stuff. I used to own some books, but then I gave them to some homeless men to burn and keep warm with, since the low was 40 degrees that night. Pr’chilly. I mean, who reads these days anyway?

Movies are so much better than books. They’re like books, but someone’s already done the work of imagining it as real life. Have you seen the new Vin Diesel movie?

I am morally opposed to watching movies where the male lead is shorter than I am. Mostly just Vin Diesel and Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise violates me on many moral levels. First of all, he’s shorter than me. Secondly, he looks like Justin Bieber got his face stuck in a suction cup. Thirdly, there was that one time he jumped on those couches in front of Oprah like a rabid monkey, and then I had nightmares.
May we change the subject?

Oh, absolutely. It’s never good to dwell on being violated by Tom Cruise. Change away.

Thanks. So… huh. Sorry, I keep thinking about Tom Cruise. …Tell me about what you’re wearing. Wait no, that’s creepy.-such a Tom Cruise thing to say! HELP!

Coincidentally, my wife just came home with 4 bags worth of new button down dress shirts for me–a bunch of plaids and stripes. I need more patterns in my life, to be honest.

Patterns are grand! Tell me about the reading on April 6th, what fresh dose of amazing-ness are you preparing to unleash on my dear A-T-L?

If stampedes of buffalo were commonly kept on leashes, you could expect that. But they are not, so you’ll have to settle for a metaphorical stampede of buffalo. Buffalo with hooves the size of your head, metal wings, and rocket launchers on their haunches. That is what you can expect from the April Vouched Presents reading.

TOMORROW

5 Mar

Tomorrow night, to celebrate his new book of poems, Sermons and Lectures Both Blank and Relentless (Typecast Publishing), Matt Hart is reading in Indy. Matt and his energetic reading goodness will be accompanied by local writers Wendy Lee Spacek, Ryan J. Rader, and Vouched main man Christopher Newgent. If you are in the area, please come check it out.

Selling Books You Love

10 Nov

In this month’s Vouched Satellite post at Smalldoggies Magazine, I asked Christopher and Laura to talk about the excerpts they use when selling books at the Vouched tables. Some cool insight into the sharing possibilities of Vouched-style selling. HOPE YOU LIKE IT.