Awful Interview: Winston Ward

3 Apr

Winston Ward

To our left you will see Winston Blake Wheeler Ward, or Winston Ward, or WWI. You know the movie 300? Winston wasn’t in it or anything but he started a website called the Five Hundred – a monthly collection of themed flash fictions.  It’s hard to say how Winston would have fared in the Battle of Thermopylae.

Winston will be reading at the next Vouched Presents on Wednesday, April 17th.

Have you ever considered having a son and giving him your name? I only ask because then he could go by WWII.

There’s an idea. Alright, the line for potential mothers of said child forms to the left.

Why the left?

I’m an ultra-liberal southpaw. Where else would it start?

Whoa no way. Me too! Seriously. How do you feel being left-handed has shaped your life? Also- why are left-handed scissors so damned uncomfortable?

I didn’t know that about you. That’s interesting. It kind of gives me a sense of kinship, learning that.

There’s little doubt in my mind that being told as a child that left-handed people are typically more right-brain dominant (and therefore often more creative) has influenced my need to tell stories. I’ve always seen myself as the ‘creative type’. Would it have been the same were I born a righty? Who can know?

Oh, and I don’t believe I’ve ever used left handed scissors. They’re uncomfortable, you say? That’s a shame.

 As a fellow left-handed creative, aren’t you a little surprised none of us southpaws have taken the time to invent a more comfortable scissor for ourselves? Which leads me to my next question — what are you waiting for?

Damn. I was hoping I’d never get asked that question. I wish I could tell you, Laura. I wish I knew. I ask myself the same question all the time and I can never find an answer to it. Why aren’t I there yet? Why am I not achieving my full potential? What the fuck is holding me back? I can tell you what I do know – the answer isn’t on the bottom of any bottles. At least not so far.

Or did you mean that question more literally? If that’s the case, I guess I’m waiting for my girlfriend to get out of school so we can go eat. Mmmm…El Myr.

Nice. Describe El Myr for me.

The throat tattoo of the Atlanta restaurant community.

It’s interesting you bring that up. I try not to judge people based on their body modifications, but man oh man people with throat/neck tattoos are tough! Eyebrow tattoos are pretty intense too. What is the most intense tattoo you have ever seen?

Christy Parry got a bunch of line work done to the bottom of her feet. That’s pretty goddamn tough if you ask me. Also, anyone who gets eyeliner tattooed on has iron cojones, in my opinion.

Are you implying Christy Parry is a man?

By no means! Just a totally bad ass chick. Wait, is ‘chick’ okay to say? How about, ‘Just a totally bad ass person’ instead?

Sure, that works! Tell me about the reading on the 17th. Tell me about how excited you are.

I’m pretty dang excited. I’m going to read two short pieces. One from my catalogue and one I’m writing specifically for the event. It is always so exciting when any literary event takes place in the city. I love it here and I couldn’t ask for a better community of like-minded individuals. Obviously, we have a lot of people to thank for that, but you yourself are playing no small part. So thank you for that and for this opportunity.

Okay, now tell me a joke.

Um. How many writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don’t know, how many?

Change it!? Have you lost your fucking mind!? It’s perfect how it is! I’m not changing ANYTHING! Go to Hell!

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3 Responses to “Awful Interview: Winston Ward”

  1. evrekagayrimenkul.com May 21, 2013 at 6:54 pm #

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  2. stfa.com May 21, 2013 at 6:55 pm #

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  1. National Poetry Month Recap | Vouched Books - May 2, 2013

    […] Awful Interview with Winston Ward […]

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