Awful Interview: David Courtright

12 Mar
David Courtight

photo by Katherine Aul

This is the silhouette of David Courtright. Notice its composition – arms stretched upward. The shadow-puppet of a right hand:  a dog holding glasses in its mouth. The left arm reaches for something out of the frame, so mysterious. His head, ever-so-slightly angled suggests cheekiness — but we can’t be too sure. This silhouette belongs to a man and that man authored a chapbook called Animal Bodies and that chapbook will be released on Thursday, March 14th at Youngblood Gallery and Boutique. Unfortunately David Courtright’s silhouette is not currently taking interviews. Instead, here’s an interview with David Courtight himself.

So, David- what’s your totem animal? Why?

As a kid I was obsessed with dolphins. I was a pretty aquatic child, and the idea of living a life making dolphin noises and doing acrobatic air flips seemed pretty appealing. Lately I think it’s some kind of bird. I have this wood stamp from India with an ornate rooster design. It’s top contender for tattoo if I ever get one.

I was totally a dolphin kid too! Remember Animorphs? Did you ever read those?

Shit yeah. Totally obsessed. And the poor dork kid who got turned into an eagle forever? I feel like that was the Harry Potter of our generation. But stuff like that I really loved as a kid — the idea of being able to change into another animal, or have powers. I loved X-Men. Wow I’m just realizing the name of my chapbook! I totally ripped off Animorphs!

Holy shit, what a revelation. I was totally obsessed with X-Men as well. Gambit was such a dreamboat! What’s your superpower?

God, Rogue had great hair. I was into teleportation as a kid, and flying. But also any power that would allow me vast sums of money, i.e. telling the future and playing the lottery.

You’re a tricky one! The thought of teleportation has always made me kind of nervous. Like- what if something goes wrong, and you weren’t concentrating hard enough and then *poof* your right arm is lost in some alternate dimension, floating in space. You know what I mean?

No, not at all. Though there was that one episode of Star Trek: Voyager where Neelix and Tuvok were beamed back together with this foreign plant that scrambled the transporters and they became “Tuvix.” I’m nerding out pretty hard right now. I just think about how much time it takes to get from one place to another, and how much more productive I would be if I never had to drive anywhere, how much more sleep I would get, etc. But again, getting back to the “how do I make myself a billionaire off my powers,” not sure if teleporting would be the most lucrative.

What superpower do you feel would yield the highest returns? Knowing the future?

Probably the ability to go back in time and befriend/seduce Oprah. You really can’t do better than that. She’s loaded. I have a mild obsession with Oprah. And by mild I mean all-consuming. But yeah, if you’d stuck with her all those years, you know you’d be well taken-care of. Highest yielding superpower: being Oprah’s favorite thing ever.

Who do you think is more obsessed with Oprah- you or Oprah?

C) Dr. Phil. You can tell that look in his eyes. There is a fury that goes beyond all psychological knowledge, though it may be difficult to discern through the medium of television. I’ve heard when you’re in the studio audience the intensity is palpable. Many people lose bladder control. Depends is a big sponsor of Dr. Phil’s show, and many think its just his demographic. No no no no no. So the order of Oprah obsession goes 1. Dr. Phil. 2. Me. 3. Oprah herself.

Is it awful that I forgot about Dr. Phil entirely? Have you ever thought about reaching out to Oprah about your written work? The ol’ ‘HEY OPRAH, LOOK AT THIS AWESOME CHAPBOOK I WROTE.’…?

Oprah LOVES this ChaaaAAAAaapHe’s pretty forgettable. Yeah, I’ve approached her about doing it in the book club. She said since we’re so close it would be like nepotistic or something. I’m working on a new book of poems about my journey as a 30-something white woman traveling the world finding myself. I think she won’t be able to resist that. That was a weird time in my life, but I feel like it deserves its day in the sun. You know? Vouched, have you had your 30-something white woman existential crisis? It’s valuable. It’s voucheduable.

I haven’t quite gotten there but MAN I am totally looking forward to it. It will be such a thrill completely abandon my already completely full life to start LIVING, you know, like in Eat, Pray, Love & Under the Tuscan Sun. Are you more of a Julia Roberts or a Diane Lane?

Well it’s funny you should mention that, because I actually starred in the film version of Eat Pray Love. I was living in Delhi at the time and a guy came up to me and said “hey you’re white, do you want to be in a movie with Julia Roberts?” So I was an extra. You can see me sitting on the floor of the ashram in the scene where Julia is a volunteer and the new batch of yogis comes in. Just try and find me! She was contractually not allowed to talk to extras, so I would say we’re BFFs, but we ain’t. And through all of that, and even though I haven’t even seen the Tuscan movie, I’m definitely more of a Diane Lane. Just because.

Diane Lane would totes talk to extras. Say, for instance, you ran into Diane Lane in the ATL a couple of days before the reading at Youngblood on the 14th. How would you tell her about the reading she had to attend? How would she react?

I don’t think Diane Lane can actually read, so this would be like a good opportunity for her to be read to. So I’d say [in a loud voice] “DIANE DO YOU LIKE PO-WEMS?” and she would mouth some nonsense bleeps and bloops and we’d enjoy a nice kombucha on the Beltline. So yeah, I think she’s coming. She’ll ride with OPRAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

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