Awful Interview: Christopher Newgent

16 Aug

Photo by Stevi Clark

As is the custom of readers at Vouched Presents, Christopher Newgent took part in an Awful Interview–with himself. He’s reading tonight at Indy Reads Books with Tadd Adcox, Layne Ransom, and Chadwick Redden. 7pm. There’s not much else to say. Here he is.

So, you’re reading at your own reading.

Yeah. Is–
Is there a question about that?

You don’t think it’s weird?

I mean, I suppose so, a little. It’s strange that it’s such a big deal in the literary world. Or maybe I’m just making a bigger deal out of it than is necessary. I don’t know. It’s not like anyone has really said anything outright to me or anything. It just seems weird. I don’t know why. I probably just enjoy any excuse to have a guilty conscience.

I grew up playing music in the underground music scene, and it was pretty standard practice for the band who booked the show to play, which facilitated show swapping with other bands and–

*YAWN*

…anyway. Yeah. I’m reading at my own reading. Tadd asked me to.

Tadd’s a good guy.

He is.

Tell me about Tadd.

Well, he’s a–

I’m just going to stop you there.

Okay?

That’s all. I was just tired of hearing you talk. You talk a lot.

Oh.

You’re pretty hard on yourself, aren’t you?

I can be, I guess.

Did I hear once, you thought you had/have an eating problem?

Yeah. I mean, I guess so. Not like a disorder or anything, but–

Explain that.

I was.

Right. Well, continue.

I don’t know. I don’t have either of the classic disorders or anything. But I tend to binge eat when I’m unhappy and stuff.

Are you unhappy now?

I don’t really want to talk about this.

Is it true that when you were a kid, you used to break into houses just to see if you could do it?

Why are you Larry King’ing me?

You mean, why are you Larry King’ing yourself?

Right.

I don’t know. Guilty conscience? Did you ever steal anything from the houses you broke into?

No. My friends did though. It was just sport for me. I wanted to see if–

BORING.

I’m…sorry?

Are you going to be this boring at the reading tonight?

I hope not. I try to put on a good show. I just want people to li–

Do you have any final words to the hopeful audience?

I love you. Please come.

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