A Final Reach for Faith, or Something Like It

6 Jan

Maybe it’s the point of life I’ve been in the past few months (year?), but this story by Brian Ross, “Rise,” yanked at me as I read it. Maybe the sheer pathos of the situation, the dying child; maybe the final reach for faith, or something like it. Sometimes we want so much to believe that we believe more in the wanting than in the in belief.

Sometimes one person must control a situation.

That is what my pregnant wife told me nine years ago, when she chose a name for our daughter.

We had debated names for weeks. We drew up lists and compared them. We each had staunchly defended numerous choices. As the weeks passed and my wife’s due date approached, our debates became arguments. We fought about the qualities of each name and neither side was willing to give ground. My wife and I both knew it was not the names we were fighting over.

Finally, my wife selected a name neither of us had previously discussed. She said her decision was final.

The name she chose sounded strange on my lips. In the days of bitter cold and crippling wind before the birth of our daughter, I spent private moments trying to find warmth by uttering the name, by listening to its foreign sound as it escaped my mouth.

Days after she gave birth, my wife asked me what I thought of our daughter’s name. I had no answer.

I asked my wife what this name meant to her. She told me she did not know.

*

Undiagnosable. According to the first and second opinions, my nine-year-old daughter’s condition is undiagnosable.

Read the rest of the story at Metazen.

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2 Responses to “A Final Reach for Faith, or Something Like It”

  1. xTx January 6, 2012 at 10:36 am #

    OKAY, NOW I’M IN THAT ‘ALMOST CRY’ PLACE. THANKS. OMG.

    • ce. January 6, 2012 at 10:56 am #

      I got me, too, xT. We can almost cry together.

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