Awful Interview: Andy Devine

10 Jan

I’m not sure what to make of Andy Devine. I don’t think he likes me. Or, well, he says he loves me, and everyone reading this interview, but I don’t think he likes me, you know? He seems a bit misanthropic (Did you like that one Andy?! I found it in the thesaurus!). But, I suppose he has a pretty interesting take on language. He’s reading at Vouched Presents this Saturday at IMOCA, so come out and see what you think of him.

Not much seems to be known about you. There’s that one picture where you look like a homeless dude, and then I think I saw a video of you cross-dressing or something. Can you tell us a bit about yourself?

I have never been institutionalized, if that’s what you’re asking. Also, once a year, for a few days, the city of Kingman celebrates Andy Devine Days and Andy Devine Avenue in Flagstaff is named after me. I like the alphabet–also, that cereal, Alpha-bits.

Th– That’s not what I was asking. My brother was institutionalized once. One of those behavioral places for unruly kids, and the commercials with checklists of suicidal symptoms.

But wow. So streets have been named after you and local holidays? I haven’t even actually read your book yet, so I guess I don’t know what all the fanfare is about, but people have told me, and I’ve read online, that it’s basically just lists of words?

Wherever two or more words are gathered, there is a list of words. All writing is a list of words. The book includes lists of words that are good, lists that should not be used in the writing of fiction. It also includes several stories and a novel. Also, there is expository writing by my editor, Michael Kimball, and by me. Most of this, but not all of it, is alphabetized.

Alphabetized. Wow. So, do your stories even make any sense?

My stories make more sense, a greater sense, than your questions. They also offer more possibilities.

Come on now. There’s no need for that. But seriously. How can you call an alphabetized list of words a story? That’s like saying the dictionary is the Iliad or something.

You seem to be proving my point by trying to disagree with me and I don’t really feel like explaining this, but I will say that story and plot are different things. The story is what happens and it is clear in every one of those alphabetized fictions that something has happened. Plus, your sad attempt at this argument by using the dictionary and the Iliad–well, what are you going to do when you run out of articles and conjunctions, how are you going to keep making sentences? Besides, there are stories in paintings and those don’t have any words at all.

Well, maybe you should’ve been a painter then. What do you have to say about that?

I’m saying that you should consider the lapidary quality of the words I put down. It is undeniable.

Oh, that was a good one: lapidary. I had to look that one up. So, is there anything else you want to say? You’re coming to Indy to read next week. Want to say anything to the people looking forward to the reading? Pee in their cereal? Kick their dogs? Anything?

I want you to know how much I love you and everybody reading this. Also, peeing in cereal is better than urinating in cereal. Nobody should ever kick a dog. I will come after them if I find out about it. Finally, fiction writers must find a way to manage their incompetence if they are to continue writing fiction. The conception of the fiction is always greater than the execution of the fiction.

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4 Responses to “Awful Interview: Andy Devine”

  1. Andrew January 11, 2011 at 9:34 pm #

    this was tight

    • ce. January 11, 2011 at 10:10 pm #

      Thanks, dude. It was a fun interview.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Tweets that mention Awful Interview: Andy Devine « -- Topsy.com - January 10, 2011

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Ashley Cassandra. Ashley Cassandra said: RT @VouchedBooks: Another awful interview, this time with Andy Devine: http://t.co/a5qZj9R […]

  2. a treadmill balloon and Andy Devine and other meaningful objects | Sean Blog: Nachos Miles Hack Disc Clank - January 28, 2011

    […] farm of a fist. I thought, “I will go rustic on your forehead!” This is the same man who recently bragged: Also, once a year, for a few days, the city of Kingman celebrates Andy Devine Days and Andy Devine […]

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